Vulnerability

By a show of hands, whose comfortable showing that they are in a vulnerable state??

Anyone?

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Anyone?


Okay, now that we have that out of the way.


Last night when I got home from work, I immediately went to my room and had a good cry. I didn't even take off my winter boots. And it was a GOOD cry. Not just a few tears, mind you, but I had an all-out, hyperventilating, soaked-the-pillow cry.

Without going into too much detail, I was recently let down in a big way by someone very important to me. Couple that with all of the stress that wedding planning brings and I guess I'll say that a mini-meltdown was creeping up. I was very hesitant to call this person and let them know they had let me down, because the last time I did that, I lost one of my best friends forever. Hypersensitive? Yeah, you can say that.

So as I was crying, B encouraged me to pick up the phone and let this person know how I feel and I finally did. And between sobs and very deep breaths, I was able to get out my feelings (in a non-abrasive way, thankuverymuch) to my friend. She knew she had let me down but wasn't aware of how badly my feelings were hurt in the process. We talked it out. She apologized and I accepted. We will move on.

Afterwards, I must admit that I felt better. I felt good. I felt really good. I felt relief. I felt like a big weight had been lifted off of my shoulders after over a week of this festering in my mind and more importantly, in my heart. Did all of my problems drift away? Of course not. But I genuinely felt lighter. If anyone out there in internetland knows me, they know I bottle things up and let them simmer long enough to the point of boiling and then boom - EXPLOSION. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's certainly something I'm working on and will continue to work on for the rest of my life.

The lesson I learned last night is that it's okay to show your vulnerability. I spent 4 years in the military where it was drilled into me that one should not, under any circumstance, show their feelings. And today, 11 years later, I can now tell you without falter and without any regret that it's okay to show your feelings. It's even okay to cry (gasp)! AND I encourage it (double gasp!!).

You will feel better for doing it.