Wanna laugh???

Happy Holidays from my family to yours!!!

I'm goin' to Oprah, I'm goin' to Oprah!!!!

Wooo hooo! My girlfriend has an amazing boyfriend who got her two tickets to Oprah and guess who she's taking??????

Uh Huh!!! She's taking ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!

I guess we're going in either January or February; they give you a two week notice for a Wednesday or Thursday taping.

I can't wait!!!!!!! Anyone that knows me knows how much I love Oprah!

So much to blog, so little time...

I've been trying to sit down and write a blog for a few days now, but between the holiday traveling schedule, playing catch up at work, hosting a cooking class at my house this week and trying to get my bridal shower Thank You cards out, I just haven't had the time!!

So after EIGHT hours in the car on Wednesday, Brian, Cooper and I finally arrived in Ohio. Traffic was a bitch and it was raining almost the entire time. Cooper was great though; he just sits in his bed and waits until our destination, never saying a word. My Mom and step-Dad always get a kick out of having him in the house....it's nice to see them love the dog as much as we do. Now we know we aren't crazy dog people; it's Cooper's fault for being so gosh darned cute!

Thanksgiving Dinner was delicious! It was different not being at my Grandma's house but it was nice to create some new memories. Ted's sausage stuffing was to die for, as usual. I wish I would have remembered to bring some home with me!! After dinner, Brian and I headed over my step-sister's house to see all my nephews and niece. We brought our xmas gifts with us since we won't see them this year at Christmas. Brian and I were walking around the toy department wondering "What in the hell do kids like these days?" There are so many options! I didn't want to give them lame gifts, but all of the toys we selected seemed to be a hit. (wipes forehead). My niece, Breanna, is getting so big! She's one a half and walking all over the place. While we were there, she said her first sentence. Her Grandma asked her what she was doing to which she replied, "I dunno", without batting an eye. I loved hanging with the kids almost as much I love coming home to see how different they are. They have such personalities and they are so dang cute! It made me feel a little sad for not being in their lives more. :(

My Mom and I went to get mani's on Friday before my cousin's annual fondue party. The party was amazing and she was uber-organized with her different sauces, broths, cheeses and chocolates. We had a good time. The highlight of the night was looking through some old photographs of my Great Grandparents, Grandparents and their families. I couldn't believe how much my Mom and I look like my Great-Grandma! I always wonder why people in black and white photos don't smile. Why is that??? Were they told NOT to smile? I don't get it and never have.

Saturday was the big day! My bridal shower with all of my Ohio friends and family. It was nice to see everyone and I really appreciated the fact they came out during a busy holiday weekend. My Mom did a great job with everything, albeit she had to change the location at the last minute. The food was great, the cake was great and the company was even better. Poor Brian was there for the whole thing; what a supportive fiance I have!

After the shower, my girlfriends helped us load the truck with gifts and drop them off at the house. We then went out for a few drinks and some sushi appetizers at Sushi Rock. We ended up running into another friend who just so happened to be dining out with her husband and son so I got to visit with them for a little while. My friend was pregnant when I moved to Chicago and to see a little boy who is almost four was sort of surreal. I feel like Chicago is a time machine; every time I travel back to Ohio everything and everyone has changed so much. I digress. So after Sushi Rock, we went to Bar Louie and then ended up downtown at a myriad of W. 6th street bars. After I looked at my watch and realized we had been drinking for 11 hours straight, I rallied the troops and we went home.

I also have been feeling like I have the worst memory ever lately. While driving to my cousin's house, we passed an ex-boyfriend's house. This was a guy who drove with my Mom and my Grandma down to see my graduation from Marine Corps Boot camp in South Carolina. To drive 11 hours with your girlfriend's Mom and Grandma, one would think it would be pretty serious relationship, right? Well why can't I, for the life of me, remember how we met? I've racked my brain but can't remember at all. We went to different high schools so we didn't have the same friends. Then my Mom reminded me of something an old friend did to me a long time ago. I had, what I thought was, a best friend in this guy, Keith. Keith and I were inseparable throughout high school up until the time I went into the military. We got into a fight (and again, I can't for the life of me remember the exact reason or cause of the fight), but Keith put a lit cigarette out on my forehead. Seriously, that is a pretty violent thing to do to a friend and I'm baffled as to why I forgot about the incident. He had a baby with a girlfriend of mine and she was supposed to come to the shower, with their daughter who is now 14. Anyhoo, my Mom said "Isn't Keith the guy who put the cigarette out on your forehead?" That's something that shouldn't be forgotten, would you agree? Did I put it away subconsciously to avoid the pain it caused? Yes, we were kids and kids did stupid things, but he wasn't a violent person, so why can't I remember the events that lead up to that?

I really wish I would have kept a journal while I was in my early twenties. Lord knows I had a lot to write about back then! To say that I have not had a boring life would be an understatement.

Let's see......I joined the military at 17. I lost my 20 year old brother to a deadly accident. I got married. I got divorced. I dealt with racism first hand during my marriage. I dealt with racial violence. I had a father that couldn't decide whether he was In our Out. I gained 2 new step-sisters, then I gained 3 more. I opened my heart to them only to lose them in the end. I moved cross country...twice. I lived in 4 states. I dated someone with babies that were 2 years old and a 6 months old and tried on the whole "step-parent" shoes. I realized those shoes didn't fit. I finally severed the relationship with my father, for good.

Yeah, I guess I would have had a lot to write about. Did I mention that all of that happened before the age of 25?

I've seen a lot, I've been through a lot, I've been hurt a lot, I've learned a lot. Most importantly, I've loved a lot. All of those situations (and many that I did not mention), helped mold me into the person that I am now. That's what happens when "life" happens - you grow, you evolve, you learn.

Some say I'm strong, some say I'm abrasive, some say I'm guarded, some say I wear my heart on my sleeve. I guess I don't really fit a certain category, per se. What I do know for certain, is that I am who I am. I am not for everyone. I used to beat myself up for not being all things to all people. I've lost some people along the way who were very important to me. The loss was not totally in vain as I stopped to evaluate the situation and figure out the lesson to be learned. For each situation, there was, indeed, a valuable lesson. Those lessons have helped me put things in perspective, they've helped me try to be a better person (at least I hope they have).

One of the most valuable things I've come to realize is that the person you think I am depends on the person you think you are. It's really very simple. I have girlfriends who I get along with great and love to be with, but yet they don't like each other, for whatever reason. My personality fits with theirs but their personalities conflict. Isn't that interesting?? There are people that I cannot fathom to be around, but yet, others quite enjoy their company.

I guess once one figures this out, life becomes easier and more difficult at the same time. I guess it's all because of tolerance. I've tolerated a lot of pain in my life but that pain has left scars that allow me to sometimes see things for what they are and many times, it's more pain. The difference is how you react to it and deal with it. I used to try to disguise it and make excuses for it while trying to find a place for it in my life. But now, I don't disguise it. I see it for what it is really is......it's pain. Period. Even if it's dressed up, in a different form or unexpected package, it's still pain.

So back to the part how life became easier and more difficult at the same time. Now, if I see it, feel it or even sense it, I try to nip it in the bud. I don't have time for pain. I don't have the tolerance for pain. I try to make room for love in my heart, instead. Because once I removed the pain in my life, I found that my heart was empty and ready to be filled with love, joy, friendship and happiness with no strings. And ya know what? I had a lot of love to give once I got rid of my baggage!! Crazy how that happens, isn't it??

So it's easier to remove the pain and allow room for genuine love and most importantly, love for myself. Until 5 years ago, I never allowed myself to love ME. What's more difficult is trying to see the intentions of others for what they truly are. I'm constantly asking myself, "Are they honest? Are they real? Are they acting with good intentions? Is there a hidden agenda? Will they hurt me? Do they love me? Am I loved? Do I love them?" It's like there is a record playing over and over and over again in my mind evaluating every situation I'm faced with morning till night no matter if I'm on the train, at work, at home, etc. Brian tells me he doesn't know how I deal with it; but I tell him that it's just how it is. It's just my life. It's the cards that were dealt to me and the only thing I can do is to be at peace with those thoughts and accept them.

And I do accept them. (big sigh)

I guess I've gone on quite a tangent here; and an unexpected one, at that. What was going to be a quick recap of my Thanksgiving weekend turned into a mini-therapeutic session with myself. I guess the trip home really opened my inner-psyche to allow some deep self-evaluation.

If I haven't lost you by now, then thanks for listening.

PS - look at that! I have a journal after all!

Cleveland, here we come!

So who cares if Cleveland was ranked the 10th most dangerous city in the US?

That's where we're headed for Turkey Day AND for my Ohio Bridal Shower!!! I'm pumped!


I'll try to post a recap of Cooper's first hunting lesson before we leave......stay tuned!

Karma is a......

So the new gal started in our office over a month ago and she's doing pretty well. I like her. And I like the fact that she has a business arranging people's homes in the most appropriate Feng Shui form. I also like the fact that she reads birth cards on the side, too. Doesn't really match up with her right-wing political stance but that's why makes her unique; she doesn't fit a norm, per se.

Anyhoo, when she showed me MY birth card, I couldn't help but think that it was completely dead on. Let me share:

Six of Spades: The Card of Fate

(seriously, that's the name of my card!!)

This is a powerful card, and the card of a person who is here to learn the responsibility of such power. These people either align themselves to a higher purpose and vision and achieve great success, or have their power turned against them for their own downfall. As a rule, these people are very responsible for their actions but a strong Neptune influence can lead many of them down the road of escapism and time lost in fantasy. They are dreamers to be sure. They must latch on to the highest dream they can and use their power to attain it. Nothing can stop them once this vision is clear. Fulfillment on every level is guaranteed. They must watch a tendency to fall into a comfortable rut. They can also be very stubborn. Through the acquisition of knowledge they find great fulfillment, life purpose, direction, and many good friends. Some of their greatest challenges come in the area of love and romance. Their own indecision works against them.

That is a much abbreviated version, but it's the only free website I could find that will share birth cards. Anyhoo, what's not written here in it's entirety is the fact that I basically pay two-fold for the negative energy I put out there. More so than anyone else. Karma is quite literally, a bitch, for me.

So with that being said, I want to put something out there to the Universe that has been weighing heavily on me:

"I'm sorry, Lucretia Bonsak!! I'm sorry I called you 'LeCreature Ballsack' in the 6th grade. I'm sorry I gathered up the other kids in our class and got them to call you LeCreature Ballsack, as well. I was a dumb, heartless kid who was dealing with my own issues of insecurity and wanted the spotlight on anyone but myself. If you are at our 15 year high school reunion next year, I would like to tell you this. Hopefully it doesn't conjure up any old feelings and will be healing for you, too. If it does open up a wound, would the Universe consider it more bad energy?? Would I be dealing with more bad Karma again?? Would I pay for this later? Dang, Lucretia, Help me! What do I do????"

Universe, go easy on me. I let two people turn ahead of me at an intersection today and then I paid for the newspaper that a homeless woman ahead of me in line stole from Walgreen's. All before 8am. Hopefully that'll help????

5 months until the Wedding!!!

I can't believe how quickly it's creeping up! It'll be here in no time. Until then, enjoy one of my all time favorite love songs by Eric Benet with Tamia, "Spend My Life With You".

What are you thankful for?

So my Grandma has been hosting Thanksgiving Dinner every year for 67 years. This year, I'm sad to say that we will not be enjoying our turkey feast at my Gram's house. She has been suffering from some very horrible chronic pain in her hips for the past several weeks, causing her to have to use a walker.

Now what you don't know is that my Gram is a very strong woman. She's a very active person and insists on doing everything for herself, albeit she turned 88 years young this past August. She still lives in, and takes care of, the same home that my Mom and her siblings grew up in. This superwoman still swims a mile a day every day that her pool is open when the weather will allow it. She really is simply amazing and I adore the time I get to spend with her and listen to the stories of her life....during a time that was before the freeways were paved in northern Ohio, before she gave birth to five children, before they started a very successful tool shop, before my Grandpa died of lung cancer. I love to listen to her stories and hear all about her upbringing.

This will be a very difficult change for everyone in my family as we have been enjoying this holiday together in the same house since before many of us were even born.

The lesson here is to truly be grateful for our loved ones. Be grateful that even though we will be in our own respective homes for Thanksgiving, our Grandma is still with us. Be grateful for the therapy that she is enduring and hope that it will help her get back to her self-sufficient ways soon enough. Let's not be sad that we won't be together, but let's be grateful for the new memories that we will create on this day.

I am grateful for my cousin, Danny. Danny lives in Los Angeles and works in the entertainment industry. This past weekend he traveled back to Cleveland and visited my Grandma, my Mom and all of my Grandma's kids with a professional videographer in tow. He interviewed each one about their upbringing for what we can only guess will be some sort of Christmas gift for my Grandma. I can't wait to see this video and hear all of my aunt and uncles stories about their childhood and growing up under my Grandma and Grandpa's roof.

I am especially grateful for my Mom who will be throwing me a bridal shower while I am home during this trip. Even though I won't be able to see all of my family during this time, I will be lucky enough to see most of them at my bridal shower. And even though she doesn't read this blog, I want send a big Thank You out to my Mom!! I love you!

Don't forget to give Thanks for those who are meaningful to you during this holiday season.

What not to expect the week before Thanksgiving in Chicago

I was sweating by the time I arrived to my office after the 3 block walk from the train station because it's 63 degrees out.

And I guess global warming is still believed to be a democratic conspiracy, huh?