The Butterfly Effect Part 1 ~ Cleaning out the skeletons

So where to start this one??

I recently reconnected with an old Marine Corps girlfriend through the miracle of MySpace. She tracked me down right before my wedding and we recently chatted on the phone and we've been emailing. She brought a few things from the deep confines of my memory "black box"....you know, the place where you store things that, for whatever reason, you don't want to remember.

Turns out some mindless things I did as a 19 or 20 year old really affected more than a few people. When I was 19 I got married to a guy I was dating for only 4 months, but I'll go into that in my next blog. After that ended, almost as quickly as it started, I began dating a guy who was also going through a divorce and had been separated from his wife for some time. The military took note of this and had warned us to stay away from each other until our divorces were final. Ha! Little did they know we were already living together in an apartment off base. So we had to play it very cool and try not be seen together in town while we waited for the divorces to become final.

Now this is where my memory stores were just dusted off.

During this time in the Marines, my 20 year old girlfriend, Cindy, the one I just reconnected with, had apparently confided in me that she was dating our 41 year old Battalion First Sergeant. Now as you can imagine, if the Marines didn't want 2 people who were separated from their spouses dating each other, do you think they wanted a female E-3 dating a male E-8 (those are pay grades)? Hell no...that's blatant fraternization and can be punished by Non-Judicial Punishment in the military.

So I guess I was questioned by our unit about Cindy's relationship with 1st Sgt Hall (this I still do not remember) and I spilled the beans that yes, they were indeed dating. Looking back at it now, I'm pretty sure the motivation of this was to take the spot light off of my relationship with Tony and put it on someone else. A selfish short-term fix to MY problem turned out to be a very long-term consequence for Cindy and 1st Sgt Hall (Jason).

Now what does the Marine Corps motto "Semper Fidelis" stand for? It's Latin for "Always Faithful". So who exactly are you supposed to be faithful to? Your fellow marines? Your unit? Your leaders? Your Country? I'm still not quite sure of the answer but all I know is that now, 13 years later, I'm embarrassed of that decision to narc on my friend and her boyfriend.

Turns out that Cindy was punished through NJP (Non-Judicial Punishment) and she decided to get out of the military with an Honorable Discharge. 1st Sergeant Hall ended up retiring and they both moved to Phoenix, where they continued their 13 year relationship which ended almost 2 years ago.

Tony and I? We still ended up being punished for dating. We, too, were NJP'd and our punishment included a month of restriction to the barracks and our pay was docked for a few months. I got out of the Marine Corps a few months later and stayed in Arizona for about a year and continued my relationship with Tony.

So could I have kept my mouth shut and saved Jason's 20+ year career in the Marine Corps? Yes. Would it have changed the outcome of mine and Tony's situation? No. Did I learn a lesson about loyalty? Yes, but ONLY because Cindy reached out and reconnected with me. Otherwise, that memory would still be locked away in the little black box.

It still blows my mind that 13 years later I'm just going through life, living in Chicago, married to a great guy and back in Arizona are 2 people who's lives were MAJORLY affected by MY actions. Actions of a stupid 20 year old that didn't know shit about shit.

I guess I've come a long way.

Cindy DID tell me though that after I spilled the beans, I was bawling my eyes out in the bathroom and apologizing to her for it. I do remember that, albeit a bit fuzzy, but it is comforting to know that I felt remorse for my actions. I'm happy to tell you that she does not hold a grudge and we're even planning a reunion trip. I guess her motto is "Semper Fi" and ya know what? I think a lot of people can learn from that, including me.

...to be continued.